The Simple Life?

I had a long conversation with my therapist recently about my (seemingly) never-ending quest for contentment. And don’t get me wrong, I’m super proud of myself generally and grateful for so much. Especially in this last year where I published my book, became an uncle, ran 6.2 miles in one go, did a little camping, and so on. That’s a lot of good stuff and I’m super happy it’s in my life.

In discussing my job for the 12,305th time with my therapist, the topic turned to people who don’t seem to mind whatever it is they do for a living; as long as they’re making money, that’s good enough for them. Some of them fill their lives with other things, while others seemingly require less: they don’t mind if they ever travel anywhere or try any new experiences (and we know how I feel about Trying!). My therapist summed it up as such: “They want a simple life. And that’s okay.”

And I thought, “Well, of course they want a simple life. Who the hell doesn’t?” And then, after another second of thought, “Oh, I guess me.” How many times had I talked in therapy about a fear of getting bored, becoming complacent, believing all the “fun stuff” was behind me? Following this session, I began to ask myself one of those awful philosophical questions: What do you want out of life?

As there is no immediate answer to a question like that, I meditated, calmed myself down, and turned to books. There was a book I’ve had on my “To Read” list for a few months: Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. This felt like the time to finally cross it off my list. I went online to request it from the library. Their copy had been checked out since October. Oh…that…doesn’t bode well, does it? Hopefully the person that has the copy isn’t still trying to find their life’s meaning.

I turned to the digital library (WVDeli, if you don’t know) and got a copy much faster. The book is a short memoir of Frankl’s time in concentration camps during the Holocaust, as well as a brief introduction to Logotherapy, the therapy he founded based on the premise that what drives humans forward is their search for a meaning in life. Not the meaning of life, mind you, but a meaning in life. Frankl admits that he is unable to define the meaning of life because, “it changes from man to man, from day to day, and from hour to hour,” which I think is a fabulous way of looking at that particular question.

Something as simple as assigning tasks and following through can add a lot to our quality of life. In turn, Frankl theorized, the absence of tasks or meanings are at the root of so many negative feelings. Our anxiety could be the result of believing that our meaning in life is too far away or unachievable (he called it the “existential vacuum,” which is as fun to read about as you’d think). Not having anything to work towards can make us negative, despondent, ultimately depressed. Like all ideologies there are things to debate about as the years go by, but I found what I read to be very insightful. Would so many people be as bitter, angry, and negative if they all had something positive they were pursuing?

Logotherapy certainly resonated with me. I thought back to the times I was especially anxious and/or depressed, and they were often when I had “nothing going on.” My anxieties were awful in college when I didn’t know what I was going to do afterwards. Depression set in when I was working customer service jobs in Pittsburgh and doing nothing else. The depression started to lift when I started doing standup. It came back years later when I got bored with the standup. As simplistic as it may seem, “perform standup comedy,” “try gardening,” “play poker,” “run long distances,” “publish the book,” have been goals I have pursued and have given my life meaning. It doesn’t mean I’m always comfortable or totally free of anxieties, but I have things that keep me moving forward.

Another central aspect of logotherapy is being able to care for people you love. Friends, family, children, partners, and so on. I’ve read many a book that has stressed the importance of having strong healthy relationships, that they ultimately can make the difference in how one perceives their life as “good” or “bad.” It was reassuring to see that this line of thinking goes back decades; while some people don’t seem to “do” anything, they probably have people they’re loving and working to take care of. It’s that scene of Homer Simpson with Maggie’s picture on his wall at work: “Do it for her”

The other, and most difficult, tenet of logotherapy is the ability to face tragic or difficult times with a positive eye. In recounting his time in the concentration camps, Frankl observed a few prisoners who looked at their imprisonment as ultimately a good thing, saying they will be stronger now for having experienced this. Instead of looking at hardships with disdain or defeat, the ability to view it as something helpful can be powerful enough to keep us moving forward. Obviously, it is challenging to put this one intro practice; hard times fill our heads with negative thoughts, and those negative thoughts lead to more negative thoughts that threaten to consume us and ultimately, we feel the urge to just give up.

So, was reading about man’s search for meaning helpful? Definitely. The “Simple Life” can still be busy, it can look like anything, and it can still be fulfilling. It assures me my goals, both the silly and the serious, are worth pursuing. It reminded me that keeping good relationships with my loved ones is important, as humans always have the amazing power to love one another. And it helped to brace me to confront the ongoing feeling that the world doesn’t want to love each other anymore, that hate and fear are about to cause a lot more harm. I will do my best to face that suffering by looking at the good people, the ones showing love, the ones that want everyone to lead a full (and simple) life.

'For the world is in a bad state, but everything will become still worse unless each of us does his best.'