Afterthoughts; My First Week as an Author

It’s been quite the week here at Isaac Crow is Trying. In case you hadn’t heard, my book of short stories, Manson Wanted to Live Here, is now available for purchase! I spent a very long time writing these stories (most of it procrastinating for months on end) and then had to deal with learning about self-publishing. I got most of it figured out, more or less, so now here we are! I’d like to open with a sincere “Thank you!” to everyone who’s already purchased the book, shared the link, shared a picture, or offered words of encouragement.

This operation is all self-published and self-shipped: I order the book to be printed, you order from me, and I mail it to you. It’s been a little hectic learning how all this works and how much everything costs. I have Excel sheets that would make Ebeneezer Scrooge proud (he would have loved Excel, but he wouldn’t have paid for it.)  I’m sure I’ve made a few little gaffs already that cost me a few nickels and dimes, but I’m not worried. I didn’t self-publish a book to make money, I did it because I wanted to put something physical out into the world and see who would be willing to read it.

So far the response has been wonderful. I went to my post office every day last week with envelopes to send out; one day was just two, another day was eleven. I’m currently almost out of the first box I was sent (the boxes are admittedly small, but I’m a small author with a small audience, so it’s apt). One of my biggest anxieties was that nobody would care or would buy my book (and, again, it’s not about the money). When you look for a publisher/agent they want authors who come with a following and I never learned how to build a strong social media presence. I figured I would do alright, but still anxiety pawed at the back of my mind.

Of course I had plenty of support from my family and closest friends, and their eagerness on day one felt incredible and helped get the ball rolling. As the week went on I was repeatedly surprised by the names that popped up in my order forms: old friends from high school, old friends from college, people I haven’t seen in years. The bulk of my sales were within West Virginia, obviously, with the runner up being Pittsburgh, also obvious. But then there were the handful of unexpected states. One day I sent a book to West Virginia, Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Texas. I went back through my list of orders and did a count; a copy of my book is already in nine states! That’s just incredible to me.

Suffice it to say I have been feeling very grateful this week. I’ve been doing my share of celebrating; fancy dinners with my family, treating myself to a new video game (again the book is not about making money), Trying to just enjoy my life and my successes as they come. This was a good week, and I know that.

That’s not to say that there weren’t any mood swings. I went to therapy the day after the book dropped. To my surprise, a few minutes into the hour I started to cry, and they were not tears of joy but of fear and panic. I’ll spare you the whole hour of therapy because it’s complicated, but will summarize to say I was having thoughts of “I don’t know what to do now,” which ironically is the central theme to a lot of my stories. I am grateful and I do feel fortunate but in therapy I had to confront that I thought it would feel “bigger” somehow. Releasing this book is a milestone for me. I know, parents everywhere, it’s not like having a child, but shut up it is something. It requires reflection and navigation going forward, and I think I have to accept that I’m going to have to find my footing again. 

So what IS next? Hell if I know. My future writing goals could go something like this: I want to challenge myself to write a full novel, one that I actually like. (I’ve written two in previous years’ National Novel Writing Month but I have scrapped one and haven’t felt the need to revisit the other yet.) I want to submit to more writing contests and magazines, get my name out there. If I work on more short stories, I want to mix up the setting/themes and branch out a bit. I hope that this book is one step on a path towards better things. I accomplished a long-term goal, which is great! Now a frustrating question nags: “What next?”

Anyway, those pesky thoughts aside, this is ultimately a giant “thank you” to my readers, both of my blog and my book. Despite how grim and shitty the world can feel, I’ve learned this week that people are happy to support other people when given the opportunity. On the fifth day of mailing out my book, the gentleman who works at the post office offered to buy a copy the next time I came in. This is without him even seeing the book and knowing the bare minimum of what it is about. That kind of support from a stranger was just so moving and carried me through my whole Friday. Supporting someone goes a very long way.  

And that, dear readers, was my first week as an author. “Author.” How pretentious does that sound? But I will embrace it and add it to all my social media profiles, don’t worry. If I haven’t said it enough in the last 1000 words, you all have my gratitude. I am happy and excited to see what happens going forward, and I hope you all are too.

Always keep Trying,
-Isaac